CAN.

"Do not wish to be anything except what you are." - St. Francis de Sales

I spend a lot of my life wishing to be things. Skinnier. Faster. Stronger. Maybe it's time to stop and savor the victories - big or small, the things that I already am.

I am faster. Today, for exactly the second time in my life - I ran a full mile without stopping. Some people can do this in their sleep - for me, I always joke that I should be voted 'most likely to be eaten by a bear' because I'd be the easiest to catch. It's always been a minor (and petty) frustration of mine that my husband can go out and run a mile after not even trying for months or years. He just hits the track and keeps going. Maybe that's the part I'm missing - the part that cheers myself on and points out that if I just put one foot in front of the other consistently, I will make it. Maybe it's time to shut the voice up that whispers so loudly "you're making a fool out of yourself" or "you can't do this". I can. I've done it twice in two weeks. I absolutely can.

I am skinnier. I may not be skinny but I'd rather be strong. I'd rather have legs that can run a mile, arms that can swing that 16kg or 20kg kettlebell like it's a piece of me. I'd rather be happy that I can deadlift my body weight - and I hope that I've surrounded myself with people who support me in all that and love me for it. Just like I gave up the elliptical for Crossfit, I hope I can give up that whispery negativity for a louder voice that says "Keep it up!" and "You're almost there!". I say this consistently every week to the women who sweat beside me at Crossfit - maybe it's time to start saying it to myself.

A Love Affair...

Italy. Just the word inspires visions of relaxation, red wine, open countryside, and more culture than you can shake a stick at. I love Italy. While it might be more appropriate to say that I love Rome (the only spot in Italy I've ever been) - I have high hopes to love the rest of it as well.

A meandering two weeks, through Rome, Florence, Venice, Bari, Brindisi, Lecce, and then back to Rome for a final beautiful night before we leave. I cannot wait.

See you April 11! :)

Grateful - Be it!

Of everything I am - I am fortunate. Sometimes in the darker times, I throw my hands up to the sky, curse the fates, and ask why. But, I am still fortunate.

I hope that whatever it said of me - it will never be said that I am ungrateful. I am so very grateful to my friends - and to my husband's friends. They are the mortar to our bricks - the very thing that holds us together when we alone would fall apart. I am grateful for my family - without them, I would be a mere shell of what I was meant to be. I am rarely as divinely happy as I am in Costa Mesa at Plums, chatting over a cup of coffee with my mom. I am rarely as carefree as I am on those perfect Austin days, with the sunroof open, the windows down, and my music turned way up. I am rarely as relaxed as I am on my neighbor Kate-E's couch, with a glass of wine, discussing the night away. I am rarely as perfectly me, as I am when I'm with my best friend, Deb. I rarely feel as loved or as cherished as I am when I'm with my husband - one of the few people in the world who truly, truly get what makes me - me.

I was having one of those perfect-Austin-weather, carefree sunroof days today. And when I came over a crest on the highway, I felt like I could see forever - and it was beautiful. I wished for my best friend in the passenger seat, like old times so that I could share it with her. I hope one day soon I can. Then I thought of Ben, and felt like of all days perhaps he was the one in the passenger seat with me instead, and I could almost hear him in his supremely Ben way, saying that he loved this time of year in Texas. Ben, with the permanent tan. :) I am supremely grateful for him. To never have been his friend, or his neighbor would have been a greater loss for me.

So, if you read this blog - I'm quite likely thankful for you in some way as well. I am a sarcastic person - but always a grateful one. So I leave you with one of my favorite songs of the moment, and a chorus that literally has me throw my hands up in the air with the beautiful praise of it.

Love that will not betray you,

dismay or enslave you,

it will set you free,

be more like the man,

you were made to be.

Add a little love to your day, whether it's thankfulness for a beautiful day in general - or a little bit of appreciation for those who know and love you best.

Sunshine, Here I Come!

Sorry so silent lately! Another injury (strained Achilles and two ankle-supporting ligaments) as the result of an unexpected business trip (literally and figuratively) and here we are.

I'm ready for the weekend. Mr. Travis is ready for the weekend - are you ready for it? Supposed to be beautiful here in Austin! Can't wait to spend some time outside, soaking up the sunshine.

Deadlifts - They're Not For Sissies.

*caveat - the hands pictured above are NOT mine. Mine haven't ripped...yet. ;)

A girl at work yesterday was talking about (oh the horror) dishpan hands. Apparently her 50's bungalow lacks a dishwasher, which really, would kill me at this point, but I have little sympathy for her dishpan hands. Why? Because Crossfit has given me a serious case of the man-hands. I'm okay with it, since I earned them.

These hands have calluses that also have calluses, but I got them by struggling through pullups, deadlifting my body weight, and doing man-makers until I thought I'd die (or prayed that I might). I've gotten to a point where my hands are hindering my success instead of helping - my hands hurt so badly this morning that I did reps of TWO on the bodyweight deadlifts. Hence, the callus discussion.

I never in a million years thought I'd be having discussions about the best ways to shave/shred/get rid of my calluses - but here I am. A lean, mean, callused machine.

Oddest Phenomenon

I'm most comfortable in workout clothes.

I realized this today as I was perusing Gap on my lunch hour, hoping desperately for a cute top to wear to my convention in Vegas (work appropriate or after-hours, really, I'm flexible).

Twenty minutes later, I walked out of Gap Body with new running capris, three new workout tanktops and a single, solitary sweater that I couldn't resist the color of but didn't fit either of my Vegas categories. What on Earth?

Then I thought back over the past two months... and realized - I've been doing this for two months! Going shopping and ending up with tons of new workout stuff - and really not much else. I'm lucky that my office is flexible with our wardrobe requirements as several of my outfits lately have incorporated my new favorite tanktop: http://www.gap.com/browse/product.do?cid=23279&vid=1&pid=807564&scid=807564002 in several different colors - all under one of the seemingly hundred cardigans I own.

Sometimes, if it's Friday, I even incorporate my workout shoes - http://www.vibramfivefingers.com/products/Five-Fingers-Bikila-Womens.htm

Thank God, I haven't reached the realm of wearing my skintight workout pants yet.

Yet.

Mopedy, Mopedy, Mope Mope

Something is off today. I feel like there's several contributing factors but the main feeling of the day is that I want to take my toys and go home.

I had a lovely weekend with my lovely best friend and her ever-so-lovely boyfriend in town. Unfortunately, I celebrated this occasion with a bit too much gluten-filled abandon for someone on a food/exercise challenge. Cheese? Sure! Some red wine? Don't mind if I do! Chips? How much could a few handfuls of chips really hurt?

Turns out - quite a bit. I'm cranky as hell, sleep deprived and my stomach feels like a cement mixer is on high in there. I'm also missing my best friend like crazy already, and disappointed for letting myself jump repeatedly 'off the wagon'.

I will give myself credit for not missing a single workout while they were here and indeed - actually making it to a few extra ones. I didn't cheat at EVERY meal but I did cheat every day. Small victories?

Time to buckle down and finish this challenge strong - 2 weeks left and not that I'm counting, but 30 days until Italy. Bring it on!