I spend a lot of my life wishing to be things. Skinnier. Faster. Stronger. Maybe it's time to stop and savor the victories - big or small, the things that I already am.
I am faster. Today, for exactly the second time in my life - I ran a full mile without stopping. Some people can do this in their sleep - for me, I always joke that I should be voted 'most likely to be eaten by a bear' because I'd be the easiest to catch. It's always been a minor (and petty) frustration of mine that my husband can go out and run a mile after not even trying for months or years. He just hits the track and keeps going. Maybe that's the part I'm missing - the part that cheers myself on and points out that if I just put one foot in front of the other consistently, I will make it. Maybe it's time to shut the voice up that whispers so loudly "you're making a fool out of yourself" or "you can't do this". I can. I've done it twice in two weeks. I absolutely can.
I am skinnier. I may not be skinny but I'd rather be strong. I'd rather have legs that can run a mile, arms that can swing that 16kg or 20kg kettlebell like it's a piece of me. I'd rather be happy that I can deadlift my body weight - and I hope that I've surrounded myself with people who support me in all that and love me for it. Just like I gave up the elliptical for Crossfit, I hope I can give up that whispery negativity for a louder voice that says "Keep it up!" and "You're almost there!". I say this consistently every week to the women who sweat beside me at Crossfit - maybe it's time to start saying it to myself.