Friday, November 19, 2010

Without Darkness, You'd Never See the Stars...

As I'm emerging from my weird three-month cocoon of work, grief, love, and life itself - I'm having a hard time "getting back to normal". It occurred to me this morning, that this is my new normal. My husband and I lost a very good friend in Ben, but thank you to Ben for giving me Kate-E, her sister Laura, and so many of his very good friends who have all come together to bond in our grief and in the loss of such an amazing human being. You were never a stranger to Ben, within 5 minutes - you were his friend. We should all be so lucky to have been one.

I am finally halfway through my first month of being uninjured at Crossfit and I have to admit, my thirty year old body is a little rougher around the edges and slower to heal than my twenty year old body. However, I have a beautiful thirty year old soul - and even on the days when my jeans are snug, and running hurts so badly that I want to just stop - I am thankful for it.

The end of the year and the holidays always brings to mind changes and the resolutions of a new year. I've made a few already - I want to run a mile 5 times a week to get over my utter and complete hatred of running. Most importantly, I want to be kind, and warm. I've been working on this one for awhile (thank you again, Ben). I make cookies for my trash guys and package them up and put them out with the cans every Wednesday. Because they are helpful to me, and I want to thank them for it. Some might argue - they're just doing their job. I remember saying when I worked at Dell that you never got kudos for "just doing your job"- but maybe you should. My lovely friend Dana is a stay-at-home mom of two. I give her mental kudos every day, as someone who gets super irritated when my dog gets needy - I absolutely could not do her job. She deserves the kudos and the cookies too. Maybe sometimes we just need to tell people that we admire what they do - or give them a big thank you for making your life better, no matter how they do it.

I've already decided to sign back up for the I Am Crossfit challenge again this year. I was injured halfway through it last year, and though I limped my way through it - I am determined to emerge victorious this year. I will be running, and finish with my arms in the air and my head held high - proud of DOING something I wasn't even sure i THOUGHT I could do.

A lesson for life - half of it is just showing up and being there.

1 comment:

  1. Kel! I am crying!!! Thank you for your sweet encouragement - it means so much!!!

    Your mom is the only stay-at-home mom I ever knew. Often I think back on the many memories I have of being at your house (which was always way more fun than being at mine!) and am amazed that the house was always clean, there were kids running around all the time, she gardened, and she drove us around North OC all the time... I can't fathom how she did it and I hope to do it as well as she.

    As for you, dear friend, I am proud of you! You do what you set your mind to do. I admire your dedicated friendship, strong work ethic, your devotion to Aaron, and many achievements. I am sure you will be running a mile day merely because it's your stated goal. That stops me in my tracks. You are a woman of your word, which is such a rare thing these days.

    Keep it up! Can't wait to see what's next on your horizon! Love you!!