Sir Mix-A-Lot Was Right!

So, fellas! (Yeah!) Fellas! (Yeah!) Has your girlfriend got the butt? (Hell yeah!) Tell 'em to shake it! (Shake it!) Shake it! (Shake it!) Shake that healthy butt! Baby got back!

These are the jeans formerly known as "Damnit!" - as in, "DAMNIT, THEY DON'T FIT!". Attempts to put these jeans on have ended in crying, being pissed off, and sometimes, throwing them across the room. Lately, they've ended in a huge grin. Can't beat that.

If anyone told me even a week ago - that I would be gloriously posting a picture of my bare stomach anywhere, I would have said they were crazy. Maybe it's the fact that I'm having an awesome day or maybe it's the fact that I feel great - but I wanted to post a paleo update picture! While the pounds aren't really falling off - the inches are! So what, you might say, does Baby Got Back have to do with my oh-so-chiseled abs? ;)

If you asked my loving husband what my best feature is - he'd likely reply - my butt. That's right. I've got a white girl's ghetto-booty which has only improved by air/back/overhead squatting to freedom in Crossfit. So when I noticed my jeans loosening in the waist - I was excited... when I noticed a little jean loosening in the butt area - I was worried! I know, ironic. I've decided to counteract this by adding even more air squats to my loving routine and just hope that it will stay there in all it's glory.

After all, no one ever wished for a flatter ass, y'know?

Happy Friday! ;)


*I have no idea what I was doing with my pinky in that picture...

GF Double Chocolate Walnut Brownies

I know, I'm "on a diet" (I hate that but eating plan just makes me sound like an ass). Last week, my CrossFit Challenge team rocked the Paleo Potluck at Mary's Ridiculous House (Her kitchen is the size of my entire downstairs!) and my coach, as a treat to our sugar-starved and dessert-loving bodies made us these. I was skeptical at first. No sugar? NO SUGAR? But then again, wouldn't it defeat the point if it did? She did make a few Paleo-friendly substitutions that I kept in, and another one that I made just because I'm reasonably certain that in a fit of pique a few months pre-Paleo, I chucked my bottle of grapeseed oil. The original recipe is lovingly hijacked and then twisted from Elana's Pantry (www.elanaspantry.com) - THE site for gluten free deliciousness.

GF Deliciousness

• ½ cup dark chocolate chips (73% cacao preferred - you won't find this in the baking aisle)
• ¼ cup coconut flour (sold in the bulk section of Sprouts for far, far less than the Red Mill GF)
• ½ teaspoon celtic sea salt (I used McCormick Grinder's Sea Salt. $2? Sold!)
• ½ teaspoon baking soda
• 2 eggs
• ½ cup honey (we used this instead of agave nectar and it was AWESOME)
• ¼ cup grapeseed oil (I used extra virgin olive oil)
• 1 tablespoon vanilla extract ½ cup chopped walnuts
• ⅓ cup dark chocolate chips 73% cacao
• (My addition - 1 tablespoon of hot/warm/cold/whatever coffee)*
  
1. Place ½ cup chocolate chips in food processor
2. Pulse in coconut flour, salt and baking soda until combined
3. Pulse in eggs, honey, oil, coffee and vanilla
4. Pour batter into a greased 8x8 pyrex dish
   

So, as you can see above. I multilated this recipe. Took it out back and just beat it. I didn't even use the darn chocolate chips because (shock) my Walmart was really lacking in quality chocolate. I marched over to the candy bar aisle, girded my loins, and grabbed two bars of Lindt 70%. They worked like a charm! But a dessert that is good at taking substitutions and my husband and inlaws loved and I could eat? AWESOME. This isn't really "paleo" but truly, it's as close as you're going to get with chocolate!

*I add coffee because in any recipe containing chocolate - it just takes it to the next level. It makes chocolate have this insane depth of flavor. I used to cheat and add it to boxed brownie mix all the time - your coworkers will love and hate you at the same time

My life in eggs.

Don't get concerned about the title - this is not about to be a post about my lady bits or reproductive anything, I swear. I have a Paleo stumbling block, which I'm a bit stuck on. Paleo and really, any awesome eating, encourages QUALITY. Free range, organic, grassfed, no cage, happy life, etc. That's all fine and dandy, and I'm sure it does taste awesome, but this girl's got a mortgage. A big one. One that will be paid off when I'm 40. That's awesome - but it does get in the way of free-range goodness.

My husband eats at least 4 eggs a day, for breakfast. I eat two. That's six eggs (big math here) on a daily basis. I know it doesn't sound like it could be a budget buster, but let's do the math. I went to the Farmer's Market this weekend - and those happy chickens are apparently the next Oprahs because their eggs were $5/dozen. That's $0.42 an egg. Still cheaper than what I'd be up to in my former Starbucks Drive Thru Life (tm) but that means my husband and I, were we free range loving folk, would be eating $2.50 a DAY in eggs. Just for breakfast!

Let's rock that over a year. Would you spend $912.50 on eggs? Let's compare. My love/hate SuperWalmart relationship continues. Their eggs are $1.87 for EIGHTEEN. Let's round up to $0.11 an egg. Which means we have a $0.66 a day egg habit. Translates to $240.90 a year in eggs.

That means in order for me to eat those healthy, happy eggs - I have to have almost $700 more a year in my food budget. And that's just the eggs! What about grassfed beef? Buffalo? Bison? Organic chicken?

I won't be winning any awards for this post - but a girl's gotta eat, and I'm not talking about $900 worth of eggs. I'll do my best Paleo, but I'm not down for my grocery bill looking like a house payment.

The Unexpected Punch in the Face

I've had two pretty negative experiences with my Crossfit coach these past weeks... and after the one this morning, I went with the "calling her out" approach. I'm a frustrated crier, so I went with the email approach. Open letter to a Crossfit coach below.

Hey,

Your words from this morning have been rattling around in my brain for the past two and a half hours, and I wanted to discuss them with you - so you'll know where I'm coming from. They hurt. There's really no other way to put it, but on the off-chance that you weren't aware, I wanted to tell you. I'm not writing this because I'm mad, though there is some of that as well. I'm writing it because I'm disappointed and hurt, and as my coach, I feel that you're the last person in the world who should make me feel hurt and discouraged. I'm also hoping that you weren't aware that your words made me feel this way, and by telling you that they do - that it won't happen again. I know that I'm a bit of the class clown, and that my sense of humor may make it seem like I don't mind being the butt of a joke, but sometimes - I do.

My experience with IAC has been very different this year than it was last year. This year, I decided to get off my grain-loving butt and devote myself to Paleo. It's been really, really hard for me and until Saturday, I was damn proud that I hadn't so much as eeked in a pita on my food log. Instead of any praise, this morning I got "Well, I knew you'd cheat". Ouch. I started paleo immediately following Christmas because I didn't want the extra workouts and the deprivation insanity to start at the same time. So this isn't week 4 for me, it's week 6. That's six weeks for a girl who couldn't go 1 day without ANY sort of bread before. I was really proud of that fact - until this morning. Maybe I'm overly sensitive following our exchange last week - but it all boils down to the way I feel - like I have a coach who doesn't believe in me.

Last year, my IAC coach was Carey. I'm not telling you this to impart any sort of "my ex was hotter" type strategy - but because I think she's a stunning example of what a coach should be. I didn't do every single prescribed extra workout last year either - but Carey was positive and enforced to us all that she was happy we were getting the extra workouts in, no matter what they were. We'd write them in our food logs - and every week she'd go over them with us, adding in any comments that she thought we needed to round out the workout (maybe some more cardio here, try to get in some more weights there) and even when I ate a BAGEL last year - it was more of a "hey, you're doing so well, don't do that". It was criticism but I never felt like a dog, getting smacked on the nose with a newspaper.

When you asked us all to fill out a form giving you feedback on your coaching style, and how we liked to be coached, I did it. I was hoping that this might impart that while sometimes I need a boot to the backside - I also need a cheerleader. I need someone to believe in me other than myself. When I did lean lifting over the break with Anna and Cat - I was amazed. Holy crap, I can lift like they do. They were nothing but positive influences on my lifting and the eye opening partners that I needed. I did the same amount on press as Erika did this last time. ERIKA. I remember joining our class, struggling to do my 45#, and looking at her thinking I'd never, ever be able to lift in her group. I can. That's the type of reinforcement I need from a coach. I don't want this to feel like I'm berating you incessantly. I'm trying to open your eyes, tell you how I feel, and what I need. Right now, I feel like you don't believe in me, and that you haven't - and I get to spend the next six weeks in our IAC group. Not a great prospect at the moment.

Take care,

Kel

Don't You Miss It?

I have to be honest. One of the questions that makes me want to stab my own eyes out lately is "Don't you miss X?". X can be anything the person asking the question can't live without. Sugar. Splenda. Chocolate. Beer. Wine. Chocolate.(yes, twice). Bread. Cheese.

The answer is quite frankly, yes. I do miss it. I miss chips and queso more than pretty much anything. But you know what I don't miss? Walking into my closet and trying to remember which clothes fit - because they all do. I don't miss that feeling of pulling something out of my closet and TRYING to put it on. And I certainly don't miss the feelings that came afterwards when it didn't fit.

You won't catch me on America's Next Top Model anytime soon - but I'm choosing myself over cheese, crackers, wine, chocolate, etc. I'm not in a corner, weeping and drinking lemon water and wishing it was wine. Yes, I miss it and that's okay too.

Me vs. Me

I think I haven't been completely forthcoming about this I Am Crossfit challenge that I'm doing. It's Paleo eating, 5-6 workouts a week, and thrice daily food logging to a Google document where my team and my coach can all see it. Hello Accountability!

In general, while I am not yet Crossfit - I am:

• Missing bread and sugar


• A wee bit cranky


• Sleeping like the dead


• Sore in places I didn't know existed

All in all - not bad. There are days when it's just me against myself. The little devil on my shoulder telling me to just sleep in and skip the workout, that it's too cold outside to go for a run (and didn't I just work out this morning?), that a little chocolate won't hurt, or that sunflower seeds - how can they be bad? I gave into this demon a few times in the past week. I chomped on salty, delicious sunflower seeds until I was so dehydrated that any ounce of water I had consumed, didn't matter. I slept in and missed a workout - 13 hours of sleep that were pretty awesome - but I didn't make it up later.

Sometimes in life, it's just you vs. you. I can't be mad at anyone but myself. So today I'm picking myself up, dusting myself off - and getting 100% back in the game. Because why on earth would I do this to myself to only give 80%?

One Hundred Percent.

This post is two-fold - both dealing with 100%. Today I partnered up for lifting with the ever-buff, Ms. Erika Jeanne (http://erikajeanne.blogspot.com/). This in itself was a feat - I've always imagined that Erika can lift more with her pinky than I could with my entire body, but I was determined to try. Out came the big plates, and all I could think was "Oh crap, are those 15#s? TWO of them?" but I was determined to try. Several lifts later, we were both at 105# - distinctly a new PR for this selfdoubter. Erika, bless her loyal heart - did not doubt me. She eyeballed me, told me when my elbows were heading for the floor and in general - cheered me on to a THREE REP PR! I can't wait to try again and see what my one rep max is!

Onto my other 100%.... I am not an organic girl. I do not eat grassfed beef, despite trying to be Paleo. It was in this vein that I continued with my fat-free half and half in my coffee, snubbing my nose and gasping for air at the thought of using full-fat cream in my coffee. More fool me. As I was filling up my cup this morning, I was checking out my carton to see if it was recyclable (I realize that avid recycling doesn't mesh with my pesticide-filled produce buying, but go with it) and I was astounded to see a little asterisk with "NOT NORMALLY FOUND IN MILK PRODUCTS" on it. My eyes scrambled up the side of the carton to see what the heck was in my beloved nonfat half and half.... CORN SYRUP? My dairy product contains... corn syrup? Disgusting! You can bet your ever-shrinking behind that this girl is going to full fat creamer tomorrow. I am so grossed out at even the thought that I've been having corn syrup with my coffee.