Don't You Miss It?

I have to be honest. One of the questions that makes me want to stab my own eyes out lately is "Don't you miss X?". X can be anything the person asking the question can't live without. Sugar. Splenda. Chocolate. Beer. Wine. Chocolate.(yes, twice). Bread. Cheese.

The answer is quite frankly, yes. I do miss it. I miss chips and queso more than pretty much anything. But you know what I don't miss? Walking into my closet and trying to remember which clothes fit - because they all do. I don't miss that feeling of pulling something out of my closet and TRYING to put it on. And I certainly don't miss the feelings that came afterwards when it didn't fit.

You won't catch me on America's Next Top Model anytime soon - but I'm choosing myself over cheese, crackers, wine, chocolate, etc. I'm not in a corner, weeping and drinking lemon water and wishing it was wine. Yes, I miss it and that's okay too.

Me vs. Me

I think I haven't been completely forthcoming about this I Am Crossfit challenge that I'm doing. It's Paleo eating, 5-6 workouts a week, and thrice daily food logging to a Google document where my team and my coach can all see it. Hello Accountability!

In general, while I am not yet Crossfit - I am:

• Missing bread and sugar


• A wee bit cranky


• Sleeping like the dead


• Sore in places I didn't know existed

All in all - not bad. There are days when it's just me against myself. The little devil on my shoulder telling me to just sleep in and skip the workout, that it's too cold outside to go for a run (and didn't I just work out this morning?), that a little chocolate won't hurt, or that sunflower seeds - how can they be bad? I gave into this demon a few times in the past week. I chomped on salty, delicious sunflower seeds until I was so dehydrated that any ounce of water I had consumed, didn't matter. I slept in and missed a workout - 13 hours of sleep that were pretty awesome - but I didn't make it up later.

Sometimes in life, it's just you vs. you. I can't be mad at anyone but myself. So today I'm picking myself up, dusting myself off - and getting 100% back in the game. Because why on earth would I do this to myself to only give 80%?

One Hundred Percent.

This post is two-fold - both dealing with 100%. Today I partnered up for lifting with the ever-buff, Ms. Erika Jeanne (http://erikajeanne.blogspot.com/). This in itself was a feat - I've always imagined that Erika can lift more with her pinky than I could with my entire body, but I was determined to try. Out came the big plates, and all I could think was "Oh crap, are those 15#s? TWO of them?" but I was determined to try. Several lifts later, we were both at 105# - distinctly a new PR for this selfdoubter. Erika, bless her loyal heart - did not doubt me. She eyeballed me, told me when my elbows were heading for the floor and in general - cheered me on to a THREE REP PR! I can't wait to try again and see what my one rep max is!

Onto my other 100%.... I am not an organic girl. I do not eat grassfed beef, despite trying to be Paleo. It was in this vein that I continued with my fat-free half and half in my coffee, snubbing my nose and gasping for air at the thought of using full-fat cream in my coffee. More fool me. As I was filling up my cup this morning, I was checking out my carton to see if it was recyclable (I realize that avid recycling doesn't mesh with my pesticide-filled produce buying, but go with it) and I was astounded to see a little asterisk with "NOT NORMALLY FOUND IN MILK PRODUCTS" on it. My eyes scrambled up the side of the carton to see what the heck was in my beloved nonfat half and half.... CORN SYRUP? My dairy product contains... corn syrup? Disgusting! You can bet your ever-shrinking behind that this girl is going to full fat creamer tomorrow. I am so grossed out at even the thought that I've been having corn syrup with my coffee.

Confessions of a Semi-Paleo Eater...

Paleo means: Eat meat, seafood, vegetables, seasonal fruit, good fats such as avocados, nuts – but not in excess. Plenty of olive oil, coconut oil, and coconut milk. Stay away from all processed foods, dairy, grains (yes even whole grains and brown rice), sugar, artificial sweeteners, fruit juice, and starchy foods like white potatoes and beans.

I have to admit - despite my best efforts, I am still not 100% paleo. I still use a bit of half and half in my coffee, if my salad comes with some goat cheese - it's staying on there, and I prefer peanut butter to almond butter, in any situation.

I'm content with that. I'm still 95% better than I was before, and I truly don't believe that a diet Dr. Pepper will make me fat. Is it good for me? Probably not. I'm weaning, but I don't know if I'll ever be 100%.

After the challenge, I fully intend to let myself have a glass of wine here and there. Call a cop.

PMS...Pancakes..Muffins...SYRUP.

For some reason, I'm having horrible sugar cravings. Well, not just any reason. Reasonably certain it's PMS. Sorry for dragging my lady bits into the blog, but when all I can think about is carbs and the syrup I want to cover them in - it's what ends up on here.

Paleo is treating me well. One jeans size, 2 inches, 4 pounds...and a partridge in a pear tree. Once I get past these sugar cravings again, I think I'll be golden and back on the path of gluten-free righteousness. Until then, I'll be having unclean(eating) thoughts about a stack of buttermilk pancakes from Kerbey Lane.

Spice is...mostly nice.

As my husband will gleefully tell you - I led a pretty sheltered food life. For my birthday, I always only want one kind of cake - and it better be made from a box. I'd never had a pear until I was in my mid-20's. As far as I know, I've still never tried lamb. I don't like ANY seafood (Exception: tuna) or pork in the chop/loin/anything but bacon form.

Trying to go paleo has been really eye opening to me. Fennel? Brussel Sprouts? BroccoLINI? What the heck? Would I like any of these things? Was I going to feel like a cow, let out to graze on random crap in the field? Could I live without mashed potatoes, my beloved bread, and without *gulp* PEANUT BUTTER?

Turns out. I can. I do miss peanut butter. Anyone that tells you almond butter is better, or even remotely as good is a dirty two-faced liar. That being said, I'm trying. For my lunch veggies today, I went for an awesome mixture of roasted squash, fennel, broccolini, cauliflower, and brussel sprouts with an interesting Moroccan spice mixture that I snagged at Central Market. I learned a few things - all the veggies are pretty good, I still think fennel has a spicy licorice taste (which may be a sign that I didnt roast it long enough) and my stomach really wasn't quite sure what to make of the Moroccan spice mixture. It was tasty, a little spicy, and my untried stomach wasn't quite sure. Since I didn't throw up in my trashcan like I was fearing, we'll call it a victory.

Paleo in a sea of pizza...

I work with a bunch of engineers. Literally, three feet to my right is our DBA. That being said - they eat like high school boys. Pizza is a regular occurance, and fries are right behind it. They crack a beer at 3pm, and attend meetings in bare feet.

I am a semi-reformed stress eater. I used to take my feelings, cover them in chocolate and shove them in my craw. Or to be a bit more honest, it was bread. Nothing soothed a crap day like a good piece of toasted sourdough. Yes, I know how weird that sounds.

I've been trying for awhile now to reform my stress eating ways, and here I am - in the middle of a crap day at work, ready to tear my hair out....and I have... cashews? turkey jerky? Is this some sort of joke?

Even knowing that I would feel like gluten-filled death if I ate it at this point isn't stopping the wanting. So here I am, blogging out my craving to you fine folks and already feeling a bit better. :)